18 March, 2012

Broken jewelry at the Conjure Dance (or How Coyote gets my attention...)

Sacred Space 2012 was incredible. I was able to work with wonderful & special people during the Shamanic Healing Ceremony, and visit with friends & loved ones during my volunteer work hours at the Author's Table/Registration Desk, and really let loose during the New Orleans Conjure Dance!

The particulars of the Dance are better left for my more private journals, but the general summary is that I'm out of shape, my feet and calves were killing me for 3-4 days afterwards, and THREE DIFFERENT pieces of jewelry were broken (one right after the other)!!!


After a good night's sleep, filled with wacky silly dreams, I woke up the next morning with sore muscles and a pensive mood that lasted the rest of the Conference. What happened to my jewelry? Is this some sort of Two-by-Four message that I'm just not understanding? Sacred jewelry breaking during a sacred dance, that's gotta mean something, right?

So I began pestering my friends during the rest of my time in Laurel. I asked for people to pull cards for me, I tried to use iPhone divination apps on myself, I asked questions of trusted friends and random strangers at Starbucks... no epiphany. Had I offended my helping spirits in some way?!?

During a quick nap, Coyote looked at me and started laughing. I was spending all this time trying to get someone else to tell me what's going on, that I forgot His most basic lesson (Do it yourself, ya lazy bum!).

Essentially, my lessons were pretty darn straightforward (had I just taken a breath and thought about it, I would have gotten it on my own...figures). Firstly, I wouldn't have paid attention to anything anyone was trying to get across had only one or two pieces of jewelry broken; I needed all three special pieces to break so that I could come to a screeching halt and THINK.

I'm graduating from Shaman School really soon, as in April 1st. This marks an ending, an ending to something that I enjoy so much, I completely adjusted my life for it (left NYC, changed jobs, lost friends, etc.). And it's also a beginning; I need to actually work through my own Shadow issues of procrastination, laziness, and fear in order to Journey more on my own (i.e., psychopomp work), without the support of my dear friends and classmates, and to TRUST in what I'm seeing. It's very easy for me to cut off negative environments/people, but it is quite difficult to bring natural closure to an amazingly positive experience. As I've said in my Introduction/Profile, shamans train together, but do the Work alone.

This is also a time of the Hermit Path (yay Tarot imagery). I hope to grow exponentially in knowledge and experience, if I have the fortitude and focus to do it alone. It's not that I can't call on my friends, teachers, and mentors, it's just that most of my focus is going to be different from others, and while I will continue to need community, I need to learn stuff on my own. This will help me increase my confidence, for when I do work for clients.

Finally, this is the time for leaving behind the familiar for new horizons/lessons. I am very good at compartmentalizing and retreating from the world when I need a brain break, but I almost never go back into those compartments and Integrate my Life Lessons. I need to learn how to not just Pause, but Pause, Reflect, and Integrate. I need to start Listening to myself!

I look forward to this time of quiet, solitary learning, and I hope I can keep myself in gear and actually do it!

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