30 March, 2013

How I learned that I was a "Lonely Coyote"...

The lessons from Sacred Space Conference continue to percolate in my head, but this morning, I wanted to write about the name given to me out of pure inspiration (or perhaps remembered? <-- Coyote winks), Lonely Coyote.

One of the few classes that I attended included a Past Life Regression workshop, given by a dear friend, Elmdea Bean (the last experience I had with past life regressions involved a group of friends from Ohio State's Pagan Student Association, and although I enjoyed the experience, I have forgotten just about everything I was trying to learn!).

There were many of us that arrived for this class, and my inner "Hermione Granger" was very appreciative of the folders with notes, blank papers, and business cards! With all of the Journey Work that I do in shamanism, I figured it would be really easy and simple to just lay back, relax, and float towards different periods in my life. Ha ha ha-- I was wrong! I kept trying to rebel against the format that she provided, and I had to wrestle with my Coyote-nature and allow myself to be led along by her voice.

Elmdea has structured her Guided Meditations perfectly; each word resonated deeply in my brain, and opened the pathways inside my Soul at a very deep level. I noted that she combined aspects of progressive muscle relaxation, as well as certain verbal triggers that allowed all who participated in the group to feel safe, secure, and blessed by the experience. I also appreciated the specific cues that allowed us to remember our Journeys, so that we could process the information in the next few months.

Because I had lots of different ideas of where I wanted to go, and what I wanted to learn about myself, I found that it took a very focused amount of concentration in order to release my preconceptions, and allow the Journey to grow organically. As a shaman, I am very adept at working with my Spirits on the issues brought to me by clients (sometimes working very quickly in group healings!). But as this was a healing Journey of information for me, I needed a bit of extra Grounding & Centering. Eventually, Coyote popped in, laughed at my attempts to not "race ahead of the meditation" , and said "You are all  over the place! Come, I'm gonna take you to the first time we met."

I remember stepping out of a creekbed, after washing up, and that I was barefoot and naked underneath a brown shift-dress. I was a young girl, slim but not very strong (but I was fast!), perhaps in my pre-teen years. I had long, silky black hair, and I could actually feel its texture as I ran my fingers through it. I felt myself walking along dirty, grassy paths from the creekbed towards a small central area with a long community table. It was warm, with a bit of a wet chill on the air (spring?). I remember sitting down at the table, with other children my age, and laughing while eating food (some sort of corn mush? It tasted delicious). Emotionally, I felt a sense of belonging, of community, and of love within a family/tribe. I heard someone call my name, "Esa" or "Esat" (hmm, will have to research that later).

The Journey then switched to my first significant event in that life: a Shamanic Challenge. I remember being alone, in the woods, in a clearing on top of a small hill. It was dark (middle of the night?), and I was being torn apart by wild animals. In shamanism, it is called "Dismemberment", and I remember that my arms and legs were being torn off my body by a Wolf, a Bear, and a Coyote (and possibly another animal, but I couldn't see it). It was incredibly terrifying, and very realistic. I could feel my flesh tear, my throat scream, and the tears run down my face. In fact, I can remember the body-memories as I type this! Finally, I realized that I was not dead, and that I had survived, and heard Coyote howl as he slowly walked on all fours up to me. I was sitting on a blanket, hugging my knees to my chest, and he sat on his haunches next to me. We both stared at the full moon rising over the horizon, and then I very suddenly plunged my hand into Coyote's chest, and took out his bleeding, pumping, glorious heart. At that moment, when he chose me and I chose him, we became joined, and apart from my community.

(I remember feeling quite ecstatic after Coyote showed me this, and sweaty, too. But the memory resonated so deeply in me, that I knew it to be true.)

As Elmdea guided our class into different significant events, I noted that I was always alone. I lived alone at the edge of the community/tribe, I gave birth to a son alone (no husband, no father to care for him, and the son left me soon after he reached the age of manhood), and I died alone. The themes of loneliness, of being apart, of being misunderstood and perhaps feared by my community, and of being separate from others was a part of my soul's Journey, and there are specific lessons and energies that go along with the name, "Lonely Coyote". 

Of course, I've barely scratched the surface of my Soul's journey, and this workshop has helped me to understand some of my personality quirks and preferences (i.e., "hiding in my den" when I'm overwhelmed, desperately needing alone-time to process spiritual messages, etc.). I look forward to learning more of my work in this life, and continuing my own Soul's healing journey.

Aaaaoooooooooooooooo!

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