Although I have always loved animals, plants, and insects, there are some Nature Spirits that I can Never Ever Work With during this particular incarnation of my life. And even though my spiritual growth has brought great lessons from Insects, I will not be able to ever work with Cockroaches. Ever.
Cockroaches are everywhere in big cities, and in NYC, they definitely have a presence. Some are able to work with them as Insect Totems, but not me, not after this story from my past...
Last night, the bathroom was a warzone.
After washing up for bed around 11pm, I noticed that the drain in the bathtub was uncovered. I cover it ever night to keep most of the roaches that are in the pipes out of the bathroom. I put the cover over it, turned off the light, and made my way into bed. Not even 20 minutes later, I had to use the restroom. I grudgingly got out of bed, walked over to the bathroom, and snapped on the light.
*dramatic Psycho slasher music*
The walls, ceiling, sink, bathtub, toilet, and door were COVERED in roaches. And not just small itty-bitty roaches, but roaches of all shapes and sizes! Was it a nightmare?- No! It was my worst fear come to life!
I ran back out of the bathroom and searched for Dad's one remaining can of roach spray. Armed with a deadly weapon, I sprayed and sprayed until my fingers stopped shaking.
When the smoke cleared, 32 roaches lay dead, or paralyzed.
I decided not to clean up the mess, as by this time I was practically peeing my pants, and put the can of spray on the sink and used the restroom. As I sat, I observed the carnage around me. Suddenly, a shadow moved underneath the door. A HUGE roach, easily 3 or 4 inches (as compared to the standard 1/2 to 1 inch), skittered into the bathroom and began trying to climb the wall. This roach was not sleek and long as a waterbug, but squat and fat and of the same species as those dead around me. I determined that it was the King of the roaches, come in response to the many death cries of its commrades. My jaw dropped, and somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized that I was too scared to continue peeing.
That was the moment it decided to attack me.
As it made for my left foot ( very quickly, I might add), I hopped up and grabbed the can of roach spray and started going to town. Not only did the roach NOT die, it didn't even slow down! I jumped out of its way and made for the hallway. I deftly turned and sprayed the King with all the roach spray left in the can. At last, it staggered, turned, ran back in, and died at the edge of the tub.
I did all this with my pajamas still around my ankles.
The squick factor remains too high at this time for us to repair our relationship...*shudder*
What totems are YOU unable to work with, because of their physical presence in this world? Have you tried to work past it?